I do not like this GPS, Sam-I-Am. I like it less than green eggs and ham.

My family gave me a TomTom Go for my birthday, and I have to confess. I fricking hate it. HATE. IT.

I appreciate my family's obvious concern that I find my way around. And their concern for my safety, and their observation of my birthday. But I want my old crappy GPS back. This thing? It's new, and yet it recognizes fewer places than my old GPS. This doesn't recognize shopping centers or major stores like Ikea that have been in place for about A DECADE. Or highways that have been in place for two YEARS now.

If I search for an address on Google or Bing, I can enter the number, street name, and zip code. Boom. The supposedly superior TomTom mapping software? Oh, no. You have to enter the FULL address, including "US." Because yes, apparently they think you're somehow magically going to DRIVE to an ISLAND in the south fricking PACIFIC even though you have a ZIP CODE.

But most offensive? It's CONSTANTLY trying to sell me shit. I won't buy an iPhone because I don't want to be constantly subjected to marketing every time I use it. Ohh, you need this app, you need this song, blah blah blah. It's the same thing with TomTom. Updates start at $40 a year. You can get all manner of mildly amusing voices starting at $15 a pop (personally, any amusement would evaporate the third time mine told me to go the wrong way down a one-way street or turn where no turns are permitted-- which happens every time I drive down one near my apartment). I get that they're trying to salvage what they can as GPS devices become obsolete in the face of smartphones, but really? How about you just make the damn thing work correctly in the first place?