I had to let my Lucy go last night. She was the dowager empress of the house for twelve and a half years, demanding and mercurial but intensely affectionate. I don't know what happened, but she went from fine to gravely ill very suddenly, and from 80% chance of recovery to failing in a few hours. She was so full of personality that my parents' house now feels somewhat empty, colder, less welcoming now.
I miss my little fluffy ornery cuddly loving Lucy-loo. I had to make the decision to put her to sleep. She probably wouldn't have lasted the night and I really wanted to just take her home so she could be in familiar surroundings. But she was in so much pain. It hurt her just to have her in my lap. It was probably the right decision and exactly what I would have told anyone else to do, but I feel so wretched. Guilty on top of missing her so very much.