Long time, no write. What can I say, it's turning into a hectic summer. Which probably isn't the worst thing in the world, because that means a little less time to ruminate and cry, but it's also not leaving me much time for myself. Or things like laundry and litterboxes.
The hollowness from losing my brother is cementing itself pretty well in place. It's just this massive brother-shaped gap that I'm learning to manage around. It's like I've lost a limb, but there won't ever be a prosthetic that can help me manage. I experience this moment of sinking disappointment every time I arrive at my parents' house and know he's not there, and not just because he's out running errands. And I cry with guilt every time I drive back to Baltimore because I'm leaving my parents alone. But... nobody really cares about that anymore. The rest of the world has moved on and spares little time or thoughts or sympathy for those of us still in mourning. So there's little point in sharing the grief-- nobody's asking or listening anyway.
In my misguided attempt to give myself something to swim FOR, I registered for PurpleSwim Baltimore, an open water swim in the Bay. It's... a little sooner than I'd like, especially because I'm nowhere near my best swimming shape. And I managed to thoroughly burn my back this weekend when I went out to the bay to spend some time in the open water-- despite liberally applying SPF 30 water resistant sunblock multiple times. So my back is an angry shade of magenta bordering on fuchsia, noticeably swollen, and unspeakably painful. Even my limbs are slightly swollen. I've used most of a 12oz bottle of aloe gel in the past 48 hours, on top of cold compresses, ibuprofen, and giving vinegar the old college try-- to minimal avail. I sucked it up and got a bathing suit on tonight (no such luck yesterday), but moving my arms in the water caused too much pain. So... now I'm in danger of falling behind on training thanks to sunblock failure. I did order a rashguard today to minimize this issue in the future, but still. OW. STUPID STUPID STUPID.
Sigh. Let's see if the NFL can give me some good news... oh wait. DAMMIT, HINES. DAMMIT, OWNERS.
Sorry, blog-- mamma's going to have to cut this little reunion short get herself a drink. It's just one of them summer.