home again

I drove home (funny calling Baltimore "home") last night in truly terrible weather, forced myself to go to work this morning, and got treated to a check engine light coming on as I pulled into the lot for my pains. Loverly. But. I'm home, and it's nice to sleep in my bed again and shower in my own shower. In the last two weeks, I've only spent three nights in my own bed. No wonder the brats are ready to kill me. And my poor, poor plants. Oof.

I honestly feel like about 20 years have passed in the last two weeks. I don't know what to do with myself. I used to talk to my brother every day and think about what to bake/ make for Grandma for Easter. Now I can't go an hour without something reminding me of them and then here come the tears. I feel like a huge vacuum has been created in my life, and now I'm suffocating from loss.

It's funny-- I got a sympathy card in the mail from the folks at my old job (thanks, guys!). It's the exact same card my new coworkers bought. It's a really nice card, just a funny coincidence. The vast majority of people have been understanding and kind, though there have been a few that have kind of just checked out. Or seem to be avoiding me. Or have been kind of rude. I don't know, it's kind of good in a weird way because I'm hurt and even a little angry, and that's at least not just loss.