A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. -Oscar Wilde

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Apparently disliking rape makes one a "feminazi"

I am so freaking disgusted with Ben Roethlisberger, with so many other "fans", with the DVE morning show, the whole bit that I'm not sure I can really cheer for the Steelers this year.

Lack of charges does not mean lack of crime. It means there's a lack of evidence. The local Mayberry PD bungled the case (not securing the scene, allowing the janitor to sterilize the bathroom before an investigation could be conducted, allowing the bar to maintain custody of relevant security footage and immediately erase it, delaying asking the GBI for assistance) and anyone reading the file could easily see that the woman was under intense pressure to not pursue anything (the initial police report was taken by a cop that made derogatory comments about her on the record, and the complete file noted that the woman supposedly wouldn't talk to police on the advice of a "therapist"-- what therapist out there would suggest that, at the least risking professional censure by interfering with a police investigation?).

Yeah, it's he said-she said with questionable consent (IF you're willing to ignore the fact that the case file states that the woman said no). Guess what? MANY, if not MOST rape cases are! And as a culture, we like to blame the victim-- she shouldn't have put herself in that situation, she shouldn't have gotten drunk/ high/ worn a short skirt/ danced/ worn a "DTF" button. Why are we so unwilling to hold the man accountable? How about... he shouldn't have raped her? What a radical notion. It doesn't matter what a person is wearing, where they are, if they're drunk or high, if they're a stripper or a pro, no means no. Stop means no. Inability to give consent means no. Really, it's not that difficult a concept. If you have to pay cops to abuse their power to guard the door, it's probably a sign that you know she's saying no.

But you point those things out, and you're called a feminazi. Ow. Gee, that hurts. If the radical notion that women aren't objects and you shouldn't rape us makes me a feminazi, then I guess that makes me a feminazi. And I'm proud to wear that label.

I hear from a shocking number of other Steelers fans the absolute most disgusting, sexist, vile comments. Somehow, it's all okay because there weren't charges. And the woman was underage and drinking! She's obviously the first person to ever get drunk before she turns 21 so clearly she deserves whatever happens! Mark Madden, that pillar of sanity, doesn't think that a woman can be raped if she's wearing anything provocative or is sexually active! I am ashamed, ashamed that I can possibly be grouped with the kind of people that think it's okay to have a quarterback that behaves like this as long as he wins Superbowls. Absolutely not. Winning isn't everything. And no, because it's been brought up as some sort of "rebuttal"-- I am not happy that James Harrison was barely slapped on the wrist for slapping around his babymama.

I'm canceling my blood donation appointment at Steelers Fan Blitz this weekend and I'm boycotting WDVE for Randy's and the X for Madden's sexist bullshit. I don't know when I'll next be able to wear my Steelers gear without a sense of shame.


Jessi said...

I feel similarly. In discussions that I can't avoid about it, coworkers will point out how it was all he-said, she said and that "none of us were there so we don't really know", but then in the same breath say things like "well, what did she THINK was going to happen?".

I will tolerate the "none of us know what really happened" stuff for the sake of not strangling an employee at work. However, I cannot and will not tolerate all of the "boys will be boys, but girls should know better" bullshit.

ArtGirl said...

i am somewhat out of the loop, but I agree with this post.

Are you going to write the blood drive a letter telling you why you've cancelled? I feel like it is the kind of thing they need to hear. endorsing rape culture = losing supporters.

lindsay said...

Speaking as a woman who's unfortunate enough to have been in a comparable situation, it's safe to say that, even without the scrutiny, even without Roethlisberger being who he is, she's probably putting herself through all of the questioning - was it what I was wearing/how I acted/I was drinking/I put myself in a stupid situation - herself. And speaking from experience here, that's hard enough. It took two actual years before I could tell anyone that I'd been raped, and I didn't go to the police because it would have been his word versus mine. Honestly, to this day, I think rape should be a capital offense. Slicing a rapist's balls off while he is awake is not cruel and unusual in my book.

My point is, it's not an easy thing to deal with when you're one of hundreds of thousands of anonymous rape cases that happen in this country every year. The fact that this unfortunate woman is being discredited and held up for mockery is disgusting, and I agree with you 100%. Write the letter explaining why you're not doing the blood drive, and while you're at it, a letter to editor might not be a bad idea either.